Wednesday, April 24, 2019

After a Mastectomy, Months of Chemo, and Weeks of Radiation, My Flesh and Bones and Spirit and I Can’t Wait to Start Tightening Our Chunkaliciousness and Writing a Magical Realist Memoir

I nearly added a wee bit about underwater basket weaving to the title, but figured that one can only push the Title Police’s patience so far before something vital starts to bleed in regrettable ways. Speaking of wild tangents if you are visiting for the poetry alone, just skip… skip skip… skip skip... to the thinner-tanka.


So, I’m done with chemo and radiation. And I have a couple of weeks before I must start hormone therapy and regular lymphedema therapy. I plan to use that time for, well… planning. I will also make lists, lots and lots and lots of lovely lists: a fixing my blog list, an unpublishing-and-rewriting-and-republishing my shorts list, a plants-I-must-grow this year list (like I said, lots and lots of lists).

Next week, I shall start outlining the cancer book. I know I’ve said that I should stop calling it the cancer book. But... since dear Dumbledore said that “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself”, I will continue calling it the cancer book. It might not be the book’s true name, but that’s exactly what it is: a cancer book, through my heart and eyeballs. Yes, m’ Luvs, I’ll share progress notes as I write.

Cancer treatment left me with 21 extra-pounds of chunkaliciousness. As soon as my chest wall stops looking like it was kissed by the sun (on a day the latter was feeling particularly frisky), I’ll start working on tightening my sexy flesh. I want my strong legs back. No, I do not need to get my sexy back, Mr. Timberlake, my sexy never left. I just want to be able to do 39+3 well executed push-ups without huffing and puffing, or very likely forcing a sweet Little trio of fairy-told Pigs to squeal, “Does Wolf(y) need her inhaler? Does Wolf(y) need a piggyback ride?”

All this translates to… me boring you to tears (and, perhaps, rather uncomfortable giggles) with prose bits (like this post), and poem bits (like the ones that will soon follow), and short stories (like this one), and pictures (like the one accompanying this entry). Because, well my dear muse and I prefer to ink (tales) and melt (fat) while friends are watching. Hm, that sounded a lot less creepy in my head.

Anyway…

My hands and feet are still being tortured by neuropathy, but I’m alive. And while I’m alive (and grinning with lots of teeth), the rest is minutiae… (plus list making, let’s not forget the lists, lots and lots of lovely lists).


a thinner-tanka for Wordy Wednesday With Wild Woman: Natural Wonders
 
In my bones,
the darkest of reds
scream of taint,

but nature’s green will

always chant me clean.




61 comments:

  1. I always find lists are a good way to begin things for me too, especially when I have multitudes vying for my time and attention. I imagine you're quite restless to Do All The Things now that you have some time returned back to you. I am looking forward to reading all the new writing projects.

    Also that skinny tanka is amazing. I love how you are pretty blunt about the horror, but you are just rolling with it in the healing green.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right. It's hard not to just jump, do all at once, and not stop until exhaustion claims my bones... But we both know better, so I shall wait.

      Delete
    2. Denying the horror would be silly and wasteful. And not rolling with it tends to find us stuck. So, roll we shall!

      Delete
  2. Nature's always on your side, especially when you (you, Magaly) keep your doors open. I think the cancer book is going to be amazing. Another friend wrote one out of the journaling she did during the therapies and blew our minds in a public reading. How strong to stand up and read from the top of the mountain with a complete vista of more terrain to come. Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Susan. Nature is the best therapy. And writing the cancer book will be, too, I think... and, perhaps, not just for me.

      Delete
  3. As always, your strength shine through.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh YAY! SO happy you have a treatment fgree two weeks. Hopefully the next treatments are less gruelling than the last. We live in hope. I love all the lists. Especially happy to know you will write your cancer memoir. An amazing one I recently read was written by Eve Ensler, the Vagina Monologues woman. It is short, titled The Good Body (I think) and takes her to Africa mid-treatment, where she establishes a compound for women to reclaim or gain empowerment after rape and war atrocities. Blew my mind. I LOVE the poem, especially the green that chants you clean, which should likely be on a poster or a t-shirt or something.LOVE that photo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hormone therapy is certainly not as bad. I'm hoping for side effects that don't drive me completely bonkers *fingers crossed*.

      I love both Ensler titles. Must grab myself a copy!

      Nature is always so good to us (as you already know). I figure that if I'm good, too--sing to her and care for her--she will chant back to me.

      Delete
  5. Treatment free! Hallelujah sung in cackles. Yes, green will chant you clean!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least the worse part of the treatment free. The rest will probably feel nice in comparison. πŸ˜€

      Delete
  6. Have I ever told you how much I love your brave and lively spirit?!!❤️ I am so happy you're chemo and radiation. I hope the following weeks will prove to be fruitful in terms of creativity, I am looking forward to reading your memoir! Love the thinner tanka especially the idea of green chanting us clean! Happy Wednesday, gorgeous!😘😘😘

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You, sweet talker, you! I, too, am hoping for creative weeks to come... Thank you so much, my sweetest Sanaa.

      Delete
  7. This is wonderful news, you done with chemo and radiation. I can't imagine what a breather this is. And my delight to hear the word memoir in your list of things to do...brilliant stuff, Maga! <3

    p.s. Welcome to writing of lists, lists and lists. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a list freak. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A breather and then some. It feels so good to be able to raise my arms over my head without feeling like weights are attached to them. I'm quite excited about the word memoir, too. It will be slow, especially at first, but the slow already started... so we'll get there eventually.


      And why do you think I like you so much? List freaks, unite! πŸ˜€

      Delete
  8. It's been such a long, hard road for you -- I'm glad that the worst of the treatments are over and you can start to reclaim your life from the demands of the medical system. Now, is there not an actual literary genre called "the cancer memoir?" I'm pretty sure there is. So you'll be joining a fine tradition!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Long, indeed... and it keeps on going. But I am glad it isn't ending just yet, lol!

      I don't know of a cancer memoir genre, but it does sound like it could be a thing.

      Delete
  9. You made me weep with tears of joy....and the healing of green, lists and letting us be watchers of progress in your life are enormous blessings for us all. I admire and cherish you my dear one. Oma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay! for tears of joy. Those are my favorites. You, too, are loved my Oma.

      Delete
  10. I’m so glad that the chemo and radiation is over now, Magaly, and you have some breathing space before the hormone and lymphedema therapies begin. Planning is constructive and can be calming, especially lists – I write lists all the time and get great satisfaction from ticking things off. I look forward to progress notes on the book. You can always rely on nature’s green!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is something cathartic about ticking things off a list. I suspect that's one of the main reasons I love to write them, too, lol!

      Delete
  11. Lists are a great way to restart, organize and just know what you really really want to do. Loved your tanka. The green shall cleanse us and refresh us.
    (Gonna make some lists too tomorrow)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Congratulation, on this huge milestone, Magaly. Myself, not really a fan of making lists. Rather, enjoy the spontaneity of life that living in the moment brings. As for the cancer book, go for it. Your experiences can help other women, who undergoing similar treatments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Therisa. I love flying by the seat of my pants, too. But when it comes down to health--and when one has a small collection of chronic illness, everything comes down to health--spontaneity is not an option. Also, what would I do with all those glorious extra journals I have, if I didn't make lists *giggles*.

      When it comes to helping others, I agree--sharing each other's journey helps...

      Delete
  13. Thanks so much for updating my friend and always in your own way. I love your posts and i love your poetry and your pics. You are in one word amazing'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are most welcome, June. I was just thinking of you, as I wait to dance with the GI doctor. I hope all is going well your way.

      Delete
  14. Hooray for no more radiation!
    Your cancer book is going to be so good!
    You look fabulous!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I so admire your tenacious attitude. You are a remarkable woman Magaly.

    ReplyDelete
  16. looking forward to anything and everything you write. Radiation is tough so hopefully your chemo will be an easier row to hoe.
    Mary (cactus haiku/cactus catz)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chemo (the real monster) was over before radiation. The latter wasn't too bad, just time consuming and with exhausting side effects. I'm still feeling those pretty deeply, but now that it's over... I'm starting to get my strength back and that is a miracle!

      Delete
  17. Nature would be crazy not to be on your side! You afford her so much honor! You are such an inspiring example of the strength of a Soul! Glad the icky part is almost done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nature has very good taste *hehehe*.

      Thank you so much for your words, Sharon... and for all the rest, too.

      Delete
  18. I'm doing a happy dance (in my head) for you!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, I love the "thinner-tanka" and adore the accompanying photo of you out in the wild! ♥ ♥ ♥

    And you've driven this list-loving woman into a frenzy with the number of times you've written the word "list/s"! Listalicious!!!♥ ♥ ♥ :D

    ReplyDelete
  20. True, you are always sexy (unlike Mr JT who never is, poor lamb). And it is good of you to mention your torture-by-neuropathy, as it reassures me that my own version is merely of nuisance degree, and I give selfish thanks for that. Enjoy your lovely listings and all the places they lead. What a rejoiceful thinner-tanka! Glad to see you revisit that form of your invention (reminding me of its possibilities) and I love that the green chants you clean! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? I have no idea how he can live with his chiseled abs. I bet he can't look at people in the eye, such same. Bwahahaha!

      The neuropathy is getting better. Two weeks ago, I couldn't have the sheets touch my feet or ankles without jumping. Now I can wear regular socks! And and I can walk without feeling that each step is an electric shock. Small victories (and lots of exercising).

      I thought that thinner-tanka is a perfect form to write while thinning out all the baggage cancer treatment has left behind. Story-told poetry will be next!

      Delete
  21. "That a babe!!" At least some agree that is the meaning of "Chunkaliciousness".
    ..

    ReplyDelete
  22. You...my wickedest of witchy women, ARE Natures truest gift to all of us. XXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I had eyelashes, I would totally flutter them your way!

      Delete
  23. "... nature’s green will / always chant me clean." Thank god for that patch of greenery! Love your thinner tanka. Go on listing and we'll love that. You are one amazing gal Magaly. Glad that no more chemo & radiation would bother you. Good. Lovely photo :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being amazing is a lot easier, when one is surrounded by such wonderful souls. So, thank you, dear Sumana.

      Delete
  24. Thanks so much for popping by my blog. positive thoughts for us both next tuesday . I am sure all will be well. Hugs June x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am done (and eating crackers, lol!). I hope things went well with you.

      Delete
  25. Glad your sense of humor is holding out!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Your positive outlook and wild sense of humor keeps you strong, and us, loving you.
    The tanka is as brilliant as your writing about the upcoming book.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Sara. That puts a huge smile on my face.

      Delete
  27. 39+3 well executed push ups! That is a freakishly awesome go! I can't even manage one well executed.. You are one sexy hard core lady!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure it will take me a while to get there. My arms are like jello right now, and not just because of the lack of strength training--there is some chemo induced arthritis. But things are getting better. And after push-ups, I hope to be doing handstands against walls (like a Greek Witch I know!).

      Delete
  28. So glad you are finished with both chemo and radiation!! Now onward with more exciting thing. Smiles.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Mr Timberlake pales in comparison 😜

    ReplyDelete
  30. I love the picture of you looking so statuesque with your walking stick, and the tanka is perfect, especially the final lines!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And, just like that, you discovered the second use for the walking stick. The loss of my breast is trouble when it comes to posture. I have to actively remember to stand straight, not to let the weight of the existing breast pull me. With the walking staff, held properly,I don't have to remember so hard. It helps me keep my spine and shoulder straight (and look "statuesque", someone said!).

      Delete

If you write it with heart, I shall read it with soul.